But more importantly…
I also saw the original, 1986, animated Transformers movie. And, rather surprisingly, it did not suck. In fact, I would say that it was better than the Michael Bay version. From here on out, there will probably be some spoilers, but, uh, I think a 20 year bumper is more than generous.
It was like a glorious celebration of 80s awesome! There was extraordinarily cheesy (and slighty inappropriately upbeat) pseudo-rock a la Foreigner, there was a WEIRD AL YANKOVIC SONG (Dare to Be Stupid, in case you were wondering), and there were hoverboards (seeing as the film is set in that far-distant year, 2005!). It featured the voice talents of Leonard Nimoy, Eric Idle (!), Robert Stack, Judd Nelson, and, in his last feature film prior to his death…Orson Welles. So really it should have quite a lot of cred. My friend from work that I watched it with and I were often fairly confused and had to keep pausing it to ask her fiance questions, such as ‘Why does he transform into a gun when he has a gun?’, ‘Is he like a half-man, half-Transformer?’ (no, he wasn’t, it was just a suit), and ‘Why is he choking him? Do they breathe or…’ The biggest surprise, I think, was the Optimus Prime dies really early on and so do, what her fiance tells us, were really main characters in the cartoon. Now, I think this shows a lot of sophistication on the part of the filmmakers and I really liked that they didn’t just pander to their audience. Again, I like it when things have real consequences. I was just disappointed because I thought Optimus Prime’s death was like the whole centerpoint of the film, this great emotional climax towards which everything was headed. But it turned out it wasn’t.
But. The best part was that there are…wait for it…DINOBOTS! Oh. My god. I can’t even begin to tell you how AWESOME they were. They’re SO CUTE! They talk kind of funny and they just sort of lumber around like giant robot cows or something and all they really want to do is listen to the sort of old-timey Autobot TELL THEM STORIES! Okay, they’re war stories, but still, they honestly say things like ‘Me Grimlock want to hear Kup’s war stories!’ And then they want him to GET TO THE GOOD PART!
So all in all, not as big a waste of time as I thought it might be.