No matter how loudly you play Radiohead, I will never love you the way I love Next-Door Neighbor because he

  1. Doesn’t play Radiohead at midnight. Yes, I know it’s a Saturday and I’m just up watching Green Wing, but still!
  2. Doesn’t let the hallway doors slam.
  3. And perhaps most importantly, DOES NOT STOMP UP THE STAIRS AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT WITH HIS SIMILARLY STOMPY FRIENDS! Seriously, I did not think it was humanly possibly to make so much noise coming up a staircase. When he does it in the middle of the night and wakes me up, there is always a moment of ‘Frankenstein’s monster! It’s Frankenst- Oh. No, it’s just Stompy…’

Although as much as I complain about him, it could be a lot worse and I do worry about whoever’s moving into his apartment when he moves out. At least I’m used to Stompy and his Stompy McSlammerson ways (and his friends that confuse my apartment for his at 2:00 in the morning and pound on my door yelling ‘McSlammerson!’ until he opens his door. Which to be fair is not completely their fault since we are the only two apartments in the building without numbers on our doors and when you’re drunk and it’s 2 am, it’s probably hard to remember what side of the hall your friend lives on…). And at least he plays Radiohead loudly and not somebody horrible like…Linkin Park. Ugh.

Oh, Stompy. I’m gonna miss you. Here’s hoping your replacement at least has the same good taste in (loud) music.

Your slightly annoyed neighbor,

Crazy McYellsthings


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